when they go low, we go deep

they don’t need our attention. here’s how we take care of ourselves instead.

treasure hunt! i just updated this post with a substack reco. ;-)

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fun house? more like SO DONE house! (photo © p.j. melton, snapped at freakybuttrue peculairum)

con artists have always had the same m.o.:

1. create a distraction.

2. loot the room.

3. slip away into the night.

this is a downward spiral because the fallout—chaos and division—sends us right back to #1. the next charlatan doesn’t even need to create a distraction: we’re too busy pointing fingers at each other to even notice them.

why yes, i am talking about u.s. politics.

the news “cycle” around here feels ever more like a self-perpetuating flywheel of discord and rage. what do you get when you cross a reality tv show with a 1990s flame war? you get … whatever this is.

i’m suuuper overstimulated rn. can we just please focus for a sec? sit still and listen! i want to tell you about my coping strategy.

when they go low, we go deep

in other words, it’s counterproductive to react to this crap. you know what happens when the opposition (that’s us!) is perpetually upset, off balance, and fighting each other instead of them? they get their wish.

yo! opposition! are we going to let them get their wish?

no! no we are not!

leave them to their tantrums for a few minutes and read on. we are going to start making a real difference for each other on our own terms. today i’m thinking about three ways to do this.

1. limit media consumption

just. stop. rubbernecking. horror-reading one shocking story after another is a pointless waste of precious life-force.

true: a lot of people with a lot of power are trying to harm people we love, so we can’t just ignore the news. ignorance is how the bad guys win.

also true: the information we truly need isn’t all that difficult to gather. we’re practically swimming in this toxic sludge. let’s reclaim that time and energy and use it instead to take care of ourselves and each other.

can we try to braid hope into everyday life? for inspiration, check out this excerpt about seed braids from what if we get it right? the interviewee is leah penniman of soul fire farm.

here are some of the ways i’m working to limit my news consumption:

• time-box the shit out of that shit. i’m trying to downgrade my engagement with the big headlines to be more low key, more like checking the weather. sure, i need to know what’s happening so i can take my umbrella. and if there’s a big front coming in, you can bet i’m keeping my eyes on that shit minute to minute. but starting every day on the new york times app? never again. just stop.

• pick a hill to die on. aside from the daily “weather report,” which i mostly get from letters from an american and the guardian, i subscribe to a small number of news alerts that cover specific things. only the things i choose to invest my money, time, and energy in fixing. one of my all-time favorite climate writers is lloyd alter, formerly of treehugger, who writes carbon upfront! and recently released an amazing, pragmatic book called the story of upfront carbon.

• support local, independent journalism. read if you dare, and give money if you can. this is vital because it gives everyone access to info they need about stuff they can directly influence. (shout-out the commons and vt digger!)

• step away from the comments section. someone will always be wrong on the internet. enough said.

• read a book instead—the paper kind. and try something positive for once. i’m reading what if we get it right? by ayana elizabeth johnson. wow! she’s sharing so much hope by interviewing some seriously badass climate warriors.

2. seek calm

even if you limit your exposure to the news, the flood of lies, violent rhetoric, hypocrisy, and juvenile locker-room slap fights can be overwhelming.

also overwhelming: being on the verge of multiple apocalypses while most people seem to be looking the other way.

here’s the thing about disinformation: we will never untell other people’s lies. especially at the current rate they’re being told at. why does the left keep trying to debunk lies with statistics?! this has worked exactly zero times since i have been alive.

as for those apocalypses, pro tip: you cannot and will not prevent a climate catastrophe by losing your shit about a certain person threatening to colonize greenland.

you know what really motivates people to revere our planet’s miraculousness? you know what truly helps us regenerate our connections with with one another and with earth’s systems?

leaving the house.

this little buddha is taking forest bathing to a bit of an extreme. love it! (photo © p.j. melton)

a lot of people who spend contemplative, screen-free time in the woods end up with more energy and love to devote to the beautiful humans and other beings on this weird, wacky, and as-far-as-we-know-unique blue ball.

forest-bathing is a really good way to restore and reset our distraction-frayed minds and bodies.

literally hug trees

you can try listening to a brook, watching the wind unsettle the branches, peering at the creepy-crawlies under a heavy rock, poking dead things with sticks, or just sitting your ass down on the front stoop to think about why you’re here and what you might want to do about it.

whatever you do, leave your phone on your dresser or in your pocket. it’ll keep.

(oh, except you’re allowed to take videos!)

3. heal

“heal” is one of those coolass verbs that can be either transitive or intransitive.

just in case you did not have sister timothy in seventh grade, here’s what that means:

• i heal you is transitive. i am the subject and you are the direct object. (more importantly, can you feel that healing? right on!)

• we heal is intransitive. we are the subject, and there is no object—at least in a grammatical sense. (irl our “object” is to heal, duh.)

• we all heal for i heal is just me being a dorkball. (or is it???)

i have a fucking mind-blowing proposition! ready?

healing is always both transitive and intransitive

holy shit! get that girl a peace prize, quick! ←the nobel prize committee re. me

ok, but seriously. i’ve been making a really big point of meeting up with friends, even when i “don’t have time.” invest this time anyway. trust me: you will get it back.

maybe you’re a hanging-out-at-the-coffee-shop type. maybe you replenish your reserves by running laps or going to concerts or playing d&d. awesome. do that! with friends!

but also do it without any digital candy. i’m talking irl connections here, using both your mind and your body. no screen time, podcasts, audiobooks, etc. etc.

this is hard as fuck. but i recommend giving it a go, even if it’s just a few minutes at a time. i didn’t make any official resolutions this year, but here are some of the mutual-healing events i’m looking forward to:

• walks and drinks: at least once a week, i want to meet up with a friend irl. if you’re like me, you might believe you can’t possibly spare this time. but srsly, it’s not that hard to schedule a short walk or a cuppa. you can be “rude” and set an alarm and leave exactly when you need to. your friends are also busy and will probably appreciate it.

• luddite hour: my household is scheduling device-free time together every week. so far, we have mostly read books silently, occasionally sharing passages we find funny or moving or interesting. in the future, we might do puzzles or mend clothes or draw or whatever.

• mama dates: i’m planning to take my kids out to lunch periodically. i’m really excited about this one!

• big things to look forward to: i’m trying to make sure i have a big, fun thing planned for each season of the year. next up: snowshoeing at lake placid! after that: 25th anniversary trip with my spouse!

all my coping strategies in one! remember! when they go low, we go high hike. (photo © melissa whalen haertsch)

ok, enough about me. how are you coping? please share with the entire class opposition.